Martin Rinehart part 3


With that, Maxine waved four fingers at Jillian (waitress, Proprietress Rose’s lover and now partner in The Rose). Rose joined them, giving Maxine’s shoulders a gentle rub. “Who’s your new, beautiful friend, ladies?” she asked.

“Rose, meet Sam,” Maxine introduced her. To Samantha, she added, “Rose was the original owner and La Pierre’s first open lesbian,” she added.

“You are too sexy for words,” Rose replied to Maxine, continuing to massage her shoulders.

Jillian arrived, with fresh margaritas, in time to hear Rose’s threatened infidelity. “Oh no you don’t, Rose. I’ve got first call on those boobs.” To Maxine she added, “Any time you want to see how good a woman can make your nipples feel…”

“Sorry,” Maxine apologized to both. “I’ve got heterosexual tendencies. Can’t help it. I was born that way.”

Samantha scoffed. Acacia and Louise were laughing. Maxine was smiling. She didn’t really mind being called ‘Sexy’ by anyone who was sincere. Rose and Jillian shared an affectionate kiss and went on about their business.

Changing subjects, Samantha commented on the roses painted on The Rose’s walls and ceiling. They were sitting in a rose bower. “Yes,” Louise agreed. “Martin told me to tell you, Sam. He said you’d want to know. Our bower has no thorns.”

Samantha looked closely. Louise was right. “I’ll add a footnote re painted roses,” Samantha promised. “Now tell me more about your married romance. Were you all equals or was there a central player?”

“Ace was central,” Louise answered. “Especially in the beginning. She gave us lectures on how to be sexy. Explained Thing One and a woman’s wifely duties. We called her ‘Professor Donovan’.”

“Should I know about Thing One?” Samantha asked. “And aren’t ‘wifely duties’ a relic of the bad old days?”

Acacia took over. “Thing One,” she explained, “is to always remember that he has two primary sex organs. One between the legs and the other between the ears. You have to stroke the one between the ears, too. Ask Lou about wifely duties.”

Smantha turned to Louise.

“You’ve got to be careful about Martin,” Louise started. “He writes about sex…”

“Sometimes including all the details,” Maxine interjected.

“He writes about sex,” Louise resumed, “and about about Maxine’s sexy big boobs and how everyone, me included, wants to get their hands on those boobs. But he’s also got a serious side. He opens the book with a memoriam for Ethel Byrne, the early twentieth century birth control advocate. Birth control means you can have a few years of marriage where sex is for bonding, not making babies.”

“So the wife still spreads her legs, but not to make babies?” Samantha asked.

“No, no,” Louise disagreed. “Well, yes and no. The smart wife, the one who pays attention to her wifely duties, understands that the male’s biological purpose is to shoot sperm into the baby-making machinery. But that only lasts for seconds. The best time for the male is when he’s at the edge. It’s your wifely duty to get him to the edge and keep him there.”

“That’s the maximum dopamine technique,” Acacia added. “We think it helps make your mate addicted to you, like a drug.”

“Serial multiple orgasms,” Maxine added. “I used to call my sisters here ‘conniving bitches’ but I’ve learned myself. Coming as often as you can is definitely a wifely duty.”

“Should we explain about ‘being new’ and the Coolidge Effect?” Louise suggested.

“And about The Plan and how Dr. Soeur tried to save my marriage?” Maxine added.

“I think I get it,” Samantha summarized. “This is a post-feminist look at the importance of coming a lot, to make sure your man is addicted to you.”

“Exactly,” Acacia concurred, as if Samantha had been serious.

“And it’s about Max’s sexy big boobs,” Louise reminded them, perhaps revealing her own focus.

Maxine looked at her footless friend. “You’re a kinky bitch, Kinky.”

Louise smiled and turned to Samantha. “When Tom first called me a kinky bitch,” she explained, “I knew I was succeeding at my wifely duties.”

“Come on,” Acacia said to Samantha. “I’m driving you back to the airport. Do you think you can email us a copy of the interview?”

“I don’t need a lift, I don’t travel by plane,” Samantha replied. “I’ll email your author a copy of the interview. You girls have been fun.”

“Sure,” Acacia agreed. “We’re all living happily ever after.”

“You have no idea how screwed up my marriage was for five years,” Maxine remembered.

“Without these guys I might have been divorced,” Louise added.

“She doesn’t have any idea how screwed up your attorney was,” Acacia confessed. “Smart about everything except herself.

 ARC copy of explicitly sexy.

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